I am not using this account anymore ...


nor am I gonna say where I am going to resume writing my poems and stories .

bye.

hello,

I am not sure why I am writing this down; may be because it has been a long time since I last engaged myself in intrapersonal communication . Yes, writing journals, diary notes and meditating are kinds of intrapersonal communication mediums; a way leading to our inner lives .I have gone a couple of steps forward but the more I walk forward I feel like this mysterious road of life keeps extending in its length and breath. My search never ends , not that I know of the reason for this ever present thirst; Seems like no amount of accomplishment or effort is quenching it . My search started a few years ago that 's when I began expressing it through poetry. What can give me the bliss and peace that everyone of us keeps dreaming about ? when can I get the feeling of profound satisfaction? It has nothing to do with the existential needs like food ,water,shelter,affection and the like; everything has been provided to me by natures selfless spirit and I should be grateful to her, yet I feel like there is something missing; something that my mortal senses are not able to identify...

This world is a huge encyclopedia without an end . No matter how much I try to know of the outer world; I might still be ignorant of something somewhere because this world is never static; to prove myself to this world is not going to serve anything. Mistakes cannot be avoided at all circumstances ; sometimes we become aware of the fact that "Experience is the mother of wisdom" . I might still keep judging other people to a lesser degree though and others will continue to do the same and the degree to which they engage in this might vary . Ultimately I am forced to be aware of the fact that every step that I take, each mistake I make, each time I rise and fall, it is all to know myself, who I am , it is not to impress or belong to some other person. All the pain and pleasure that I go through is for "myself to accept and belong to myself " the way I am . Unless this happens I might continue to feel half empty .

Thank You.

Ignorance and wisdom interpret various situations in life in two different ways ..; each person has both the elements , they cannot be separated nor tied together…they are everything yet nothing ..

Once, the "Prince of Ignorance" was climbing the staircase of life, in order to reach a certain goal[Wisdom],but while doing so he unknowingly, stepped on-to something which was round and unstable; he tripped and fell infinite distances below and broke his Crown and Nose; for a while He didnt know what to do. The main source of the GREAT FALL, was the stone of CONFUSION. The Queen of Wisdom dropped by, and stitched HIS wounded nose with the "Herb of Humbleness" and joined the broken crown, with "The glue of LOVE"..It was painful when he was receiving those stitches, because it not only taught him to forgive others, but it also taught him to accept his own mistakes; in the process The "Queen of Wisdom" became so fond of him that she started calling him her son, so was born "The Prince of Wisdom " who continued climbing the stairs of life, not to reach the goal, but to simply enjoy the experience and the feel of climbing....




Ignorance- “I can’t take it anymore! How can this happen to me?! what mistake did I commit! No matter how hard I try, things keep slipping out of my hands!

Wisdom : “ what do I have to burden myself with? How can I take anything, when there is nothing at all to load myself with? Situations pass through us, but we grab these unfortunate events and carry on our shoulders and keep grumbling “I cant take it anymore”!

Ignorance: a)Self Blame: “I blame myself for whatever happened! I am not worth it! I shouldn’t have judged her like that!.. I am not efficient in doing anything in life! “

b)Self Praise: "I am the best! no one can ever beat me ! that guy is a loser huh! look at me! me ! me !I look gorgeous and I am a genius...oh I should maintain this,otherwise I might loose it ...oh!oh!"


Wisdom : “ There is a state beyond, this constant fluctuation between Happiness and Sadness. If I look into it deeply&#133, neither of these two states ever brought me closer to the truth. I can delude myself, either by continuous self- Praise or self –blame; If I achieved something yesterday, it doesn’t define me as who I am today; If I failed yesterday, it doesn’t define the person who I am today, yet the irony is that, we study about personalities - something which is formed due to the accumulation of past experience and the future aspirations….no one can judge anyone’s personality at a moment ; this brings us closer to truth .We are undefinable. I am neither worthless nor worthy, neither good nor bad, neither beautiful nor ugly ; I am simply “I am …. “

Thank You...

Have you ever felt like a brilliant person invited to a “ Mad tea party of life??”. life is beautiful, but at times it might make you look like a clown. If one is aware of the silliness and stupidity of the people and situations ; it might as well make one laugh till ones last breath than tax ones tear glands, but we love to choose the latter. Sometimes Life is like Mr Hatter who is one of the characters in “Alice in Wonderland “ asking us a riddle ; Hatter asks Alice “Why is a raven like a writing desk?”Alice is not able to find the answer and so asks Mr Hatter to answer and he says that he himself doesn’t know the answer, If we are “THE LIFE” or “THE HATTER “ then we are in conflict with ourselves, asking questions and at the same time, not letting ourselves see the answers which are right in front of us.
How can I intensely gaze into the eyes of a beggar who looks like a withered flower and still not react ? How can I feel so sorry yet so indifferent? Somewhere it gnaws the depths of our hearts, but today beggary has also turned into a flourishing business. How can some of us still love a person , who doesn’t even know us or hasn’t even cared to share his happiness and affection with us . I have pondered over these questions and I am sure that at times these questions must have popped inside your restless brains too…

A month ago WHEN I was sitting by the sea shore with my friends and enjoying the sunset, two young boys passed by; they must be around 10 years old ,one of them was wearing a school uniform . One could see the delicate strength of their bodies and their eyes were bright and full of playfulness.. they were selling channa and kites . They asked me if I wanted to buy something.Me and my friends didn’t have the heart to say no, so we bought a kite and three plates of channa . We made them sit and requested them to narrate their lifestories. We found that both of them went to school in the morning and sold Channa and Kites in the evenings in order to support their families[ I am not going into the details of their life stories in this journal }
I got inspired by their life stories . 3 days back I got acquainted to three boys who sold flowers and an old woman who was a beggar, we had a pleasant conversation . Through these tiny experiences, I understood that humans could feel the joy in the midst of dreaded situations; even now when I close my eyes; I can see the image of those kids, their pleading eyes, suppressing the vibrant freedom that the universe expresses through them.


Apart from this , if you want the answers to these questions then youll have to dechiper these lines that I write below

“I never knew that we could create millions of us ,only to eventually destroy millions of us “

“ At times we transform ourselves into idiots and beg for a worthless love and let ourselves be mocked at , lets get back into the natural state of being our wise selves and know that we already have within us what we beg,then why beg anymore? ”

“ Just a few steps away from me, a man is bleeding to death, I THINK that a million others passing by will help and a million others THINK that the other “million others” passing by will help, each thought that passed by was like each drop of life embracing death,yet we kept passing by . why? Because we THOUGHT but never FELT…

With every curve that we fill on a blank page ,we are not aware of the silence getting molded into various forms….between each sentence, words, letters and within the word itself ,there is a silence echoing; there is peace flowing through the commotion ,nomatter how much we scribble it or beautify it with words; the silence of a blank page still makes us feel the presence . Sometimes I imagine how it would look like if there was no space anywhere, it wouldn’t make any sense, it would look like some jumbled up spider web; silence itself doesn’t need any sense, but it does give sense to these words that I write.”Silence is pure essence “

During the days when I let me just be; absorbing and observing the, streetlights ,people, sounds of various frequencies, rhythm of my breath changing every moment, expressions of passersby, the way a dried leaf rhythmically floated like a feather and gently nestled on the ground and the bright venus star which beautified the dark tresses of the night ,I realize that by staying quiet without speaking a word, but expressing the gratitude and kindness through ones eyes reveals the love and peace that the words can never capture.

To forget is to deny , to remember is to relive it and drown ourselves in self pity ,which is worthless; to anticipate is to waste our energy on something which is not there …instead it feels wonderful to accept, as you let it be and even more joyful to face it in the true sense and modify the way we perceive it “ this problem is a solution in itself “. Once we figure that out, there are no problems existing. Each second this body releases the pain;when we get physically wounded every cell in our body prepares for the healing mechanism to take place.’ it is only the mind which clings to pain and keeps wounding a person psychologically, which is more harmful than physical injury but the mind is very much a part of us let us not over-use it or rip it off,the ego is very much a part of us let us not rush off with rage and try to rip it off; if you do so, you are denying a part of yourself. It is all about merging the darkness into the light, gradually in a soothing way ... learn from the body as it has an intelligence of its own.

This is the most earthly conversation, a natural state of being which I am glad to be tuned in for a few minutes a day and if I were an earthworm, I would dig deeper and deeper into this dark and wet velvetiness and come out through the other end ,helping the universe create as the farmers sow and the plants grow ,I keep crawling doing my tiniest bit like million other beings, each cell in my body working in tune with the cosmos ..I breath in the last lingering rays of the sunset as it melts into the sky and glorifies the moment with its time-stopping beauty, the omnipresent .